dreamstime_m_23433459You enter a party buzzing with excitement. Everyone is glowing with charm and flare. You’re feeling good as you enjoy the sights and sounds of the festivities. Then your gaze is drawn towards a woman who has just arrived. She is beautiful and you are transfixed by her majestic glow. There is something about her which has captivated you along with everyone else…you just encountered a Seduction Goddess brimming with sexy self-confidence.

So here you are desiring to attract a great man in your life. Let’s see, he’s strong, intelligent, happy and confident. He could make your life a little brighter, even a bit more yummy and delicious. With him around, you could feel whole. Or, would you?
Let me share my sexy Passionistas, to live a bold and powerful life, you should feel whole, happy and filled with gratitude with the life you have now. It’s the energy of gratitude that attracts Mr. Right to you. This is the secret sauce that will start the magical wheels turning to “Hook Him and Keep Him Lovin’ You”. But in all honesty ladies, you don’t need another person to make you happy; this belief is just setting you up for disappointment. What you truly desire is to be with another person to share your life with, to establish memories and create amazing adventures with you. In so doing, a wellspring of happiness, joy and love springs forth. And the most powerful ingredient in your elixir of love is…your confidence.
Keep in mind that low self-esteem and low self-worth often comes hand-in-hand with co-dependence. Men can be like Bloodhounds. They can sniff out a desperate woman a mile away and they go running for the hills. You know why, because needy and clingy women are unattractive and in their mind, high-maintenance. Men run away from them and exit stage left. Unfortunately, clinginess shows up in so many ways. Neediness is a red flag of other self-sabotaging behavior – so men want to stay away from all the drama. The only thing you have control over is you and how you view life. So it’s up to you to take responsibility for your happiness and learn how to feel confident. Once you have your own interesting and successful life, you won’t feel the urge to cling onto any self-sabotaging behavior. Strangely, as you start feeling rejuvenated by living a genuine and authentic life, men – and friends – will gravitate towards you, as if under a spell, they will stay. Success, happiness, and confidence are aphrodisiacs.
As I’ve said already, strength and confidence are traits which attract men to you. Having the confidence to embody the empowering Seductress mindset is the very thing that will make a man go wild. He sees you as a woman that doesn’t need to be rescued or fixed, but rather an independent woman he can join forces with. He’s thinking to himself, “Together we would be a power couple”. As the old saying goes, “behind every successful man is a strong woman”. It may sound like a cliché, but believe me it’s true. Some of you may be thinking, I’ve been to therapy, I’ve read books, I’ve talked to friends, I’ve sought alternative treatments, yet I still suffer from a lack of confidence. I’ve tried everything and nothing has shifted. So I’ll be bold in telling you, the reason you’re still feeling stuck is because you’ve chosen NOT to take responsibility for YOU! BEing and FEELing confidence and exuding sexy self-confidence is a CHOICE! When you obsessively hold onto beliefs, thoughts and feelings that make you feel disempowered, it robs you of your vibrancy. This is a choice; a choice you’re making. Is anyone holding a gun to your head telling you, “You know Stacey, I have to tell you girl, you’re not good enough”. Even if you heard that as a child growing up, you’re not a child anymore, so the only person telling you his nonsense is you…ouch. Yes, I went there. My coach many moons ago gave me the same slap of water in my face as well. And I’m thankful for it.
Bad thoughts drag you down. You recognize them when you feel worse. Your life feels dull and lifeless. It is so easy to fall back into this disempowering habit. Negative thoughts – about your failures, shortcomings, looks or lack of talent are just perceptions – they drain your strength and confidence. Never let them take you over. When you notice your thoughts shifting in this downward direction, shut them out and replace them with an empowering positive aspect about you. Do you remember the musical Wicked which was a hit on Broadway and all over the United States? An amazing powerful ballad, Defying Gravity, is the best part of the fantastic musical which demonstrates how a happy and very confident Elphaba, recognizing and embracing her own strength at last, faces an uncertain future boldly.
Your thoughts determine your attitude, your behavior. In the long run, they determine who you are. Never bombard your subconscious with self-hating thoughts. Fill your life with thoughts that focus on the qualities you want to attract into your life.
But don’t despair, you’re not alone. Many women have self-esteem challenges because they suffer from the Good Girl Syndrome of trying to live up to someone else’s standards so they can be accepted and feel loved. Girls and women are disproportionately dissatisfied with their looks, their intelligence, their education and their job performance; always trying to measure up. Remember your high school days. Most girls worked hard to please their parents and teachers. In the meantime, they did their best to fit in, to become popular and to look good. They set their standards high. Does any of this sound familiar? For most women, it takes time to learn how to feel confident. Faking confidence will not do.
Here are 3 ways you can build your sexy self-confidence:
1) Free Yourself from the “Comparison” Trap
Comparing ourselves to the people we see on TV, in magazines, on the street or our friends is TRAP #1 to self-defeating thoughts of who we are. Seriously ask yourself, has the comparison trap made you feel any better about you? It’s safe to say “No”. Then why do you continue to punish yourself?
You have some wonderful attributes that make you uniquely you. Let them rise and shine for everyone to see because you don’t gain anything by thinking small. Take a hold of passion that makes you come alive.
2) Follow Your Intuition
Your intuition is that gut feeling which guides you to take a particular action or not. The more you TRUST your intuition, this will have a miraculous affect in raising your self-confidence. Why?…Because you learn to TRUST yourself vs the opinion of others.
3) Understand the “Perfectionist Myth”
Perfectionism is a trap that keeps you in a state of paralysis – robing you of your joy. The Perfectionist doesn’t see the gift and beauty before them, instead they punish themselves over-analyzing what “could” have been better. This is the trap of not feeling good enough or worthy. When you can live in a state of imperfection, that’s when you can live a life filled with more peace!
Be-Unique_1Confidence contributes to your happiness and well-being. It means that you have good feelings about yourself. You are – hopefully – proud of some of your features already. You may have amazing eyes, a classy face, or an athletic body. You might be persistent. Intelligent. Caring. Anything will do that you love about yourself. If you can’t think of anything, then it’s safe to say you have someone else’s opinion about you screaming louder in your ear then your own voice. You are allowing another person to control you. This control may not be physical, but it’s happening subconsciously in your mind. True confidence is more than exuding confidence in your looks and your female attractiveness; it’s your ability of attracting a man with your attitude. It’s your ability of attracting a man with your charisma and having intoxicating gravitas. In the book, Sexual Bewitchery, this gravitas is your W.E.B which is your “Woman’s Energetic Body”.
Learning how to feel confident may seem too easy and it can be if you choose to step into your person power.
You do this by focusing on:
1) Your good traits
2) By emphasizing the wonderful things that make you uniquely you
3) By giving yourself praise vs being overly critical, and
4) By pampering yourself because you deserve to be loved…by YOU!
Let’s be real, old habits die hard, so you have to feel your mind with thoughts, feelings and a belief that’s more appetizing than the old belief that’s trying to hang on for dear life. Be a champion for you. Be proud of who you are. Embodying positive thoughts and to embrace an empowering outlook on life, is more than just wishful thinking; you have to tell the “itty bitty shitty committee” to shut up and DECIDE to feel great about yourself. This will make you feel satisfied and happy. And from this, your sexy self-confidence springs forth!

By Stacey Murphy, Certified Intimacy Coach

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